


Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: Emancipation

by Will_Keaton



Category: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Genre: Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 02:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11477139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will_Keaton/pseuds/Will_Keaton
Summary: A retelling of the events of Mortal Kombat Annihilation.





	Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: Emancipation

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: Emancipation

 **Scene:** News studio

**Darth Vader:** This is CNN.  
**Anchorman:** Tonight's top story, President George Sears announces he will be stepping down as the 43rd president of the United States of America. But first, the weather. Adam?  
**Weatherman:** Thanks John.  
**Anchorman:** It's Jack.  
**Weatherman:** Bite me. This evening we’re expecting a low pressure center to move across the city, so expect a little precipitation with a 90% chance of it raining flaming ninjas. ... What the? That can't be right. Hey guys, the teleprompter is broken again. The plural of ninja is ninja, not ninjas.  
**Flaming ninja:** (Breaks through the ceiling and kills Weatherman.)  
**Darth Vader:** Brutality!

**Scene:** Temple of the Order of Light  
(Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Kitana, Raiden and Liu Kang are present.)

**Johnny Cage:** Hey guys, it's raining flaming ninjas.  
**Raiden:** Ninja.  
**Johnny Cage:** Whatever.  
(Motaro, Ermac, Rain and Sheeva appear via special effect.)  
**Shao Kahn:** (Somersaults from the heavens.) The earth was created in six days, so too shall it be destroyed. And on the seventh day mankind shall rest IN PIECES! So says me, Shao Kahn!  
**Liu Kang:** Who are you?  
**Shao Kahn:** I just told you. I am Shao Kahn, emperor of Outworld! And they... (gestures towards Motaro and crew) are my Posing Posse. (Posing Posse poses.)  
**Sonya:** What are you doing here? We won the tournament!  
**Kitana:** That's right! Earth is safe for another generation! ...or something, I’m not too clear on the rules actually.  
**Johnny Cage:** I don't think anyone is.  
**Sindel:** (Walks on from offstage.)  
**Kitana:** Mother! You're alive!  
**Sindel:** Too bad you... Will Die!  
**Johnny Cage:** Stop it! I can’t take any more bad acting! (Shadow kicks Shao Kahn but bounces off and falls down.)  
**Shao Kahn:** (Points at Johnny.) You suck. (Posing Posse poses.) And now I shall end your pitiful life! (Posing Posse poses.)  
**Raiden:** NO! (Summons lightning to surround Posing Posse.) If you destroy Johnny, I will destroy your Posing Posse! (Posing Posse poses.)  
**Shao Kahn:** You would never allow one of your precious humans to die.  
**Raiden:** You’re right. Kill me instead. (Lightning un-surrounds Posing Posse.)  
**Shao Kahn:** ...What did you do that for?  
**Raiden:** (Shrugs shoulders.) I dunno.  
**Shao Kahn:** Whatever. (Snaps Johnny’s neck like a twig.) Fatality!  
**Sonya:** NOOOO!  
**Shao Kahn:** And now that I've made my grandiose entrance and made some big overzealous statements about world domination, I will leave you in peace. Come my Posing Posse! (Posing Posse pose and disappear into a special effect with Shao Kahn and Sindel.)  
**Flaming ninja:** (Fall from sky and begin to attack the Kang crew.)  
**Raiden:** Quickly, we must flee from the army of flaming ninja. Go underground.  
(Kang crew runs underground while the flaming ninja remain on fire.)

**Scene:** Underground somewhere. The Kang crew are present.

**Liu Kang:** What is going on? We won the tournament! How is Shao Kahn able to invade?  
**Raiden:** Shao Kahn must have broken the rules and invaded earth anyway.  
**Liu Kang:** But that’s not fair!  
**Raiden:** No, it is not. The rules are in place for a reason: to create a convoluted backstory for a martial arts tournament that will decide the fate of the universe. I do not understand how the Elder Gods could allow Shao Kahn to break the rules like this.  
**Kitana:** My mother. She's alive.  
**Sonya:** Too bad you... Will Die! (The Kang crew look at her.)...Sorry about that, I don’t know what came over me.  
**Raiden:** I believe Sindel is the key to opening Shao Kahn’s portals. All we have to do to stop Shao Kahn is destroy Sindel with the most powerful fatality known to man and god alike... Force her to sit through the entire Street Fighter movie!  
**Liu Kang:** I saw that movie! It had some great fight scenes! Especially the Chun-Li vs. Vega one!  
**Raiden:** You're thinking of the animated version. I meant the live action one.  
**Sonya:** The one that killed Raúl Juliá?  
**Raiden:** Precisely.  
**Liu Kang:** My god! That's the most sickening thing I’ve ever heard of!  
**Kitana:** But she’s my mother! We can’t just kill her!  
**Raiden:** Fine, spoil my fun. Party pooper...  
**Liu Kang:** So then, what is our next move?  
**Raiden:** Liu, you will take Kitana and go find some guy called Nightwolf, he will teach you some stuff that could defeat Shao Kahn. Maybe. Hell I don't know, I’m the god of thunder, not the god of wisdom. Sonya, you must seek out your partner Jax. We’re gonna need all the help we can get. Also I'm hungry, could you be a dear and pick me up some WcDonalds? That’d be nice.  
**Kitana:** What about you?  
**Raiden:** I will speak with the Elder Gods and ask them to give Shao Kahn a penalty for breaking the rules.  
**Sonya:** A penalty?  
**Raiden:** Or I could demand that they close the portals between our two realms and banish Shao Kahn and his evil from Earth for all eternity. Whatever works.  
**Liu Kang:** But those flaming ninja are everywhere. How will we move about without them tracking us down and fatalitizing us?  
**Raiden:** First, fatalitizing is not a world. Second, I know the fastest way to travel on this planet. TO THE ATLASHPERES!

(Batman style scene transition with Raiden's head in place of the Bat emblem.)

**Liu Kang:** What the hell are those? (Points to atlaspheres.)  
**Kitana:** These are atlaspheres.  
**Liu Kang:** You mean those things from American Gladiator?  
**Kitana:** NO! These are completely dif... OK, they’re exactly the same.  
**Sonya:** How do they work?  
**Kitana:** They are an ancient form of ultra-highspeed transportation used to move people to anywhere on earth within a matter of hours. You get inside and roll it into a tunnel filled with steam from the center of the earth and use the pressure to roll really fast through an insanely complicated maze of tunnels that can lead to anywhere on the planet. When you’re inside you move so fast it feels like you're standing perfectly still.  
**Liu Kang:** ...That doesn't make any sense!  
**Kitana:** Just get inside...

(Shortly after, inside of Liu and Kitana’s atlasphere shooting through the underground tunnels...)

**Liu Kang:** Uh, Kitana. This may not be the best time to mention this but...  
I gotta pee.  
**Kitana:** I told you to go before we left.

**Scene:** Shao Kahn’s throne room.

**Shao Kahn:** (Sitting on throne.) ... I Rock!  
**Daddy:** (Walks in.) Shao Kahn!  
**Shao Kahn:** Daddy! Good news! Stuff is going exactly according to plan. AND IT IS GLORIOUS!!! The merger between Outworld and the Earthrealm has begun and in six days it will be complete!  
**Daddy:** Why six days?  
**Shao Kahn:** Because I said so!  
**Daddy:** Tell me, did you make Raiden beg for mercy before you killed him?  
**Shao Kahn:** (Somersaults off throne.) Raiden is not a concern.  
**Daddy:** You idiot! Raiden and his pathetic mortals are the only thing standing between us and total domination! How could you let them escape?!  
**Shao Kahn:** Um, cause otherwise there wouldn’t be a movie?  
**Daddy:** I will not tolerate excuses. (Turns and walks away.)  
**Shao Kahn:** ... I Rock!

**Scene:** Deep underground above a bottomless lava-filled chasm.

**Liu Kang:** Heh, Kitana.  
**Kitana:** Yeah?  
**Liu Kang:** Wanna make out?  
**Kitana:** Well, I'm still mad at you for peeing on me back there but... What the hell. It's the end of the world, right?  
(Liu Kang and Kitana proceed to make out.)  
**Smoke:** (Enters stage left in smoke form and materializes behind Kitana.)  
**Liu Kang:** Oh my god! It’s Predator!  
**Smoke:** I’m not Predator! (Fires a chest missile which Liu and Kitana dodge. It flies past them and destroys a bridge across the bottomless lava-filled chasm.)  
**Kitana:** He’s destroyed the bridge! (Liu and Smoke fight.)  
(Sub-Zero appears out of nowhere and freezes Smoke just as he’s about to fire another chest missile.)  
**Kitana:** Liu! The missile!  
**Liu Kang:** Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do. (Liu kicks Smoke and gets blown up along with him.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Kamikazality!  
(Liu Kang falls from above. He is on fire but quickly puts himself out by rolling on the ground.)  
**Kitana:** Liu! Are you okay?  
**Liu Kang:** More or less. (Turns to Sub-Zero) Hey! I killed you in the last movie!  
**Sub-Zero:** No. You killed my older brother.  
**Kitana:** Why did you help us?  
**Sub-Zero:** Shao Kahn is trying to destroy the Earth. I cannot allow that to happen. That’s where I keep all my stuff.  
**Kitana:** You're welcome to join us.  
**Sub-Zero:** Whatever. (Uses ice powers to form a bridge across the bottomless lava-filled chasm.)  
**Scorpion:** (Leaps out of bottomless lava-filled chasm, lands on ice bridge and turns to Sub-Zero) Get over here!  
**Sub-Zero:** Back in a sec. (Jumps onto ice bridge and fights Scorpion.)  
**Kitana:** Hey guys, are you sure it’s a good idea to fight on the bridge like that? I don’t think it can support your... (The bridge breaks in half and the ninja fall into the bottomless lava-filled chasm.) Never mind.  
**Liu Kang:** (Leaps over bottomless lava-filled chasm.) Hey, look! You can just jump over!  
**Scorpion:** (Materializes out of thin air, grabs Kitana and jumps into a special effect.) Suckers!  
**Liu Kang:** ...What just happened?  
**Sub-Zero:** (Leaps out of chasm.) What’d I miss?  
**Liu Kang:** Scorpion just kidnapped Kitana.  
**Sub-Zero:** Sorry about that.  
**Liu Kang:** What happened down there?  
**Sub-Zero:** Well, I was going to kill Scorpion, but...  
**Liu Kang:** But what?  
**Sub-Zero:** I didn’t.  
**Liu Kang:** $#%@ &?!  
**Sub-Zero:** Liu. What has transpired here should prove that you alone are not prepared to defeat Shao Kahn yet.  
**Liu Kang:** What are you talking about? I wasn't alone! There were three of us! And it’s your fault Kitana got kidnapped!  
**Sub-Zero:** Whatever. Now I must mysteriously vanish from the movie for no apparent reason. (Mysteriously vanishes from the movie for no apparent reason.)  
**Liu Kang:** I am gonna kill the guy who wrote this script.

**Scene:** A top-secret military laboratory, Jax lies inside strapped to a metal table. A cloth covers all but his head.

**Sonya:** (Enters through air vent. Air vent? What?) Jax!  
**Jax:** Sonya! What are you doing here? I was supposed to come rescue you.  
**Sonya:** It’s a long and ridiculous story. Let’s get you out of here. (Pulls sheet off Jax.) What the hell did you do to yourself this time?  
**Jax:** (Indicating metal arms >) I got these babies installed so I could finally beat Kano at Mortal Pong! Watch this. (Rips himself free of table.) Sweet huh?  
**Cyrax:** (Explosion, stage left. Cyrax walks onstage.)  
**Jax:** Hey, look, it's Predator.  
**Cyrax:** (Flaming ninja fall through the ceiling.) The only way out, is death.  
**Jax:** ...Are those ninjas on fire? Why did they just fall through the ceiling?  
**Cyrax:** The plural of ninja is ninja.  
**Jax:** Whatever you say Predator.  
**Cyrax:** I'm not Predator.  
(Cyrax fires some biohazard stuff at Jax. He blocks with his arm. His arm is covered in the stuff but it doesn’t do anything. He then flings the stuff at a flaming ninja where it proceeds to dissolve his flesh until only his skeleton remains. The ninja however, remains on fire.)  
**Jax:** Cool. (Sonya and Jax battle Cyrax and the flaming ninja. Eventually the ninja are defeated and Sonya uses the “Kiss of Death” on Cyrax. He lights on fire and falls over dead.)  
**Sonya:** Take a look at this. (Points to counting mechanism on Cyrax's body.) Is that what I think it is?  
**Jax:** That's Predators trademark self-destruct bomb. “I'm not Predator,” my ass.  
**Cyrax:** I told you already, I'm not Predator. (He resumes being dead.)  
**Sonya:** Run!  
(They run out of the complex and leap into the air just as the bomb goes off for a cheesy action shot.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Self-destructality!

**Scene:** Shao Kahn's lair, complete with conveniently placed fiery pits of doom.  
Sindel and the Posing Posse are all in attendance.

**Rain:** My flaming ninja have already claimed thousands of souls. (Poses.)  
**Motaro:** Yeah, well my flaming ninja are way cooler than yours. (Poses.)  
**Sheeva:** No. Your flaming ninja suck.  
**Motaro:** No, YOU suck!  
**Ermac:** You both suck.  
**Shao Kahn:** (Enters menacingly.) Everyone, report!  
**Rain:** Sir! Two of earth’s greatest warriors, Stryker and Kabal, have already been terminated.  
**Shao Kahn:** Tell me, did you make them beg for mercy before you killed them?  
**Rain:** Uh, no. I thought I would kill them quickly so they couldn’t escape and threaten our plans in the future.  
**Shao Kahn:** (Pulls out giant hammer and hits table.) I will not tolerate excuses.  
**Rain:** Ookaaayy. From now on I guess I could make everyone beg for their lives before I kill them. Of course that would be an incredible drain on time and resources but if that’s what you want then I guess I’ll just do that.  
**Shao Kahn:** Rain, this will not happen again.  
**Rain:** Uh... what?  
**Shao Kahn:** Now, you! Will suffer for your competence! (Swings hammer and hits Rain who flies across the chamber into a conveniently placed fiery pit of doom.)  
**Dan Forden:** Toasty!  
**Shao Kahn:** Now I'm gonna need a new member for my Posing Posse. Sindel are you up to it?  
**Sindel:** Sure, why not? (Poses.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Excellent. (Posing Posse poses followed by maniacal laughter.)

**Scene:** A vast expanse of featureless desert. Liu Kang is alone.

**Liu Kang:** Stupid Raiden. That guy couldn’t give directions to save his immortal soul.  
(A wolf rushes toward Liu Kang and begins to maul him. Liu screams. Eventually Liu Kang is able to dislodge the wolf and watches as it transforms into a man.)  
**Nightwolf:** So you're Liu Kang huh? I've seen better. Don't worry though, I've seen worse too.  
**Liu Kang:** You BIT me! What kind of person runs up to someone they've never met before and BITES them?  
**Nightwolf:** Raiden sent you didn't he? He knew you would need my help.  
**Liu Kang:** Yeah, he mentioned you were gonna teach me a new technique. He never said anything about you BITING me!  
**Nightwolf:** Oh grow up. I barely broke the skin. Besides, what are you complaining about? You’re the one who let Kitana get kidnapped.  
**Liu Kang:** Hey, that was Sub-Zero’s fault.  
**Nightwolf:** Suuure.  
**Liu Kang:** Are you gonna help me or not?  
**Nightwolf:** Fine. I will teach you to use your animality. It will allow you to transform into an animal-type thing that may or may not allow you to defeat Shao Kahn. In order to master this technique you must pass three tests.  
**Liu Kang:** Fine then. What's the first test?  
**Nightwolf:** To begin, we need to put you in a dream-state.  
**Liu Kang:** How do we do that?  
**Nightwolf:** Well there's a long way and a fast way.  
**Liu Kang:** We don't have time for the long way.  
**Nightwolf:** I was hoping you'd say that. (Grabs a hatchet and throws it at Liu Kang’s head.)  
**Liu Kang:** I hate you. (Passes out.)  
**Imaginary Shao Kahn:** You Suck! (Imaginary Posing Posse poses.)  
**Liu Kang:** I swear, If I ever get my hands on the guy who wrote this script...  
(Liu Kang awakens to find himself lying in the middle of the desert.)  
**Jade:** (Walks sensually onstage.)  
**Liu Kang:** Who are you?  
**Jade:** I'm Jade. Let’s make out.  
**Liu Kang:** OK. (They proceed to make out.) Wait!  
**Jade:** What?  
**Liu Kang:** I can't do this. I'm in love with Kitana.  
**Jade:** Fine. Then die. (They fight. Liu Kang wins.)  
**Liu Kang:** I win.  
**Jade:** That’s good. You've past the first test.  
**Liu Kang:** You mean this was all one of Nightwolf's stupid tests?  
**Jade:** Apparently.  
**Liu Kang:** So now what?  
**Jade:** I can help you rescue princess Kitana. Her love can restore her mother's soul and break Shao Kahn's spell. I know where they have been keeping her since you let her get kidnapped.  
**Liu Kang:** That was Sub-Zero's fault!  
**Jade:** Whatever.

**Scene:** A rocky plateau, somewhere. Jax and Sonya are present.

**Jax:** Flaming ninjas falling from the sky, that Predator dude back at the lab and that freaky atlasphere from American Gladiator... you hang with a freaked out crowd Sonya.  
**Sonya:** You haven't seen the Posing Posse yet.  
**Jax:** The what? No, wait. On second thought, I don't want to know.  
**Mileena:** (Somersaults onstage and kicks Sonya into a giant mud puddle then jumps in after her.)  
**Sonya:** Kitana?  
**Mileena:** You wish! (They fight.)  
**Sonya:** Jax! Are you going to just stand there and watch?  
**Jax:** (Looks on as the two combatants become covered in mud.) I think you've got everything under control.  
**Sonya:** (Grabs Mileena’s head and holds it under the mud while Mileena suffocates.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Mud-wrestleality!  
**Sonya:** Thanks for nothing Jax.  
**Jax:** You're welcome. (A giant beast appears out of nowhere and lunges towards Sonya.) Sonya, look out! (Jax rushes over and punches the beast repeatedly in the butt until it gets sucked into the ground for some reason.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Nonsensicalitly!  
**Sonya:** Jax, how were you able to do that?  
**Sonya:** That's easy. It's because I start everyday with a big bowl of Sugar Frosted Coffee Flakes, the breakfast of champions.  
**Sonya:** Ugh. Why on earth would you eat that crap?  
**Jax:** Because I've got coupons! With these bad boys I can get three boxes for $2.59!  
**Shao Kahn:** Frugality!

**Scene:** The Elder God's Temple Place Thingie.

**Raiden:** Elder Gods. I will have words with you!  
**Elder Gods:** Raiden. What brings you here?  
**Raiden:** Shao Kahn and his armies have broken the sacred rules of the tournament and invaded the Earthrealm. How could you allow this to happen?  
**Elder Gods:** Meh. It’s none of our business.  
**Raiden:** You are the Elder Gods! Protecting Earthrealm from invaders is your duty!  
**Elder Gods:** No it isn't.  
**Raiden:** Yes it is.  
**Elder Gods:** No it isn't.  
**Raiden:** Yes it is.  
**Elder Gods:** No it isn't.  
**Raiden:** Yes it is.  
**Elder Gods:** Yes it is.  
**Raiden:** No it isn't.  
**Elder Gods:** You are right. It is not our duty to defend the Earthrealm.  
**Raiden:** What? Hey! Wait a minute!  
**Elder Gods:** Look, if you want to help out the humans so badly go and beat up Shao Kahn yourself.  
**Raiden:** Fine then. I will. (Storms out.)

**Scene:** Outside The Elder God's Temple Place Thingie

**Sonya:** (Walks onstage with Jax.) Well here we are. The Elder God's Temple Place Thingie.  
**Jade:** (Jumps onstage and kicks Jax.)  
**Sonya:** Hey!  
**Liu Kang:** Wait! (Rushes in.) Don’t hurt her. She’s a friend!  
**Sonya:** Where's Kitana?  
**Liu Kang:** Scorpion kidnapped her.  
**Sonya:** You let Kitana get kidnapped?  
**Liu Kang:** It was Sub-Zero's fault. ...Why are you covered in mud?  
**Sonya:** (Indicates Jax.) Someone thought it would be a good idea to sit back and watch me mud-wrestle for my mortal soul.  
**Liu Kang:** Sounds like a good idea to me too. I wish I'd have come up with it first.  
**Sonya:** You people are terrible.  
**Raiden:** (Somersaults from the heavens.)  
**Sonya:** Raiden! (Observes drastic wardrobe change and short hair.) Did you get a haircut?  
**Raiden:** I was 10,000 years overdue. Did you remember to stop by WcDonalds? I was hoping to sink my immortal teeth into a Big Wac.  
**Sonya:** WcDonalds!? Between Predator and that female ninja we didn't exactly have time.  
**Jax:** Not to mention all those flaming ninjas that kept falling from the sky.  
**Raiden:** Ninja. The plural of ninja is ninja.  
**Jax:** Yo man, I've known you less than a minute and already you're dissin me!  
**Raiden:** I meant no disrespect, I just have this thing about bad grammar. (Turns to Liu.) Where is Kitana?  
**Sonya:** Liu let her get kidnapped.  
**Liu:** It was Sub-Zero’s fault!  
**Raiden:** Liu, don’t you think you're a little old for imaginary friends? Especially dead imaginary friends you killed with a bucket of water?  
**Liu Kang:** At least my friends don't turn into wild animals and bite people for no reason!  
**Jax:** Hey! You two cool it, okay? We don't have time for this.  
**Raiden:** (Turning to Jax.) Your arms are your greatest weakness.  
**Jax:** What are you talking about? These babies saved me from Predator's biohazard thingie. What does that have to do with anything anyway?  
**Raiden:** (Shrugs shoulders.) Just making conversation.  
**Shao Kahn:** (Somersaults from the heavens riding a horse. Sindel also somersaults from the heavens riding a horse. Afterwards an army of flaming ninja somersault from the heavens riding horses. The horses are also somersaulting and also on fire.) Raiden!  
**Raiden:** Shao Kahn!  
**Shao Kahn:** You suck!  
**Raiden:** You came all the way from Outworld with an army of flaming ninja just to tell me I suck?  
**Shao Kahn:** No! I also plan to bury you and your pathetic mortals beneath a mountain of rock! Sindel! Scream really loud until you cause an avalanche!  
**Sindel:** I don’t know if...  
**Shao Kahn:** Just do it!  
**Sindel:** (Screams loudly. The canyon however does not collapse on the pathetic mortals.)  
**Raiden:** Quickly! While they're distracted! (Forms a portal and disappears along with Liu Kang and the others.)  
**Shao Kahn:** You idiot! You let them escape! What do you have to say for yourself!?  
**Sindel:** I need a throat lozenge.

**Scene:** Outworld. The Kang crew are in attendance.

**Jax:** So this is Outworld huh? I can see why they want a change of scenery!  
**Johnny Cage:** Hey! That’s my line!  
**Liu Kang:** Shut up Johnny. You're dead.  
**Johnny Cage:** Gee, thanks for reminding me. (Resumes being dead.)  
**Sonya:** Raiden, why didn't you attack Shao Kahn with your lightning powers back there? You had a clear shot!  
**Raiden:** Because I decided to give up all my godlike powers and my immortality so I could be a pathetic mortal just like you.  
**Sonya:** Wait, you did what?! Why would you do that?  
**Raiden:** Seemed like a good idea at the time.  
**Liu Kang:** We have to rescue princess Kitana.  
**Raiden:** Liu Kang is right. According to legend Princess Kitana's love can restore her mother's soul and break Shao Kahn’s spell.  
**Sonya:** Wait, what legend? Since when was there a legend?  
**Raiden:** Since I made it up just now.  
**Liu Kang:** I will go and rescue Princess Kitana. (Runs off.)  
**Raiden:** I hope he manages to do that without getting someone else kidnapped too.  
**Liu Kang:** (Offstage.) For the last time, it was Sub-Zero's fault!  
**Sindel:** (Appears via special effect.) You fools cannot hope to stop us. In 6 days the merger between our two realms will be complete!  
**Sonya:** Wait. Why six days again?  
**Sindel:** Because Shao Kahn said so! (Flaming ninja somersault from heavens.) Now my flaming ninja. Destroy them!  
**Raiden:** Don't worry. I've got this covered. (To the ninja.) Come on you guys. (Raiden walks offstage while the ninja follow him.)  
**Sindel:** Now you pathetic mortals... (Offstage scream drowns her out.) I said, you pathetic  
**Shao Kahn:** (Offstage screaming.) Fatality!  
**Sindel:** I said  
**Shao Kahn:** (Accompanied by screaming) Brutality! Fatality! Friendship! ...Friendship? Again?  
**Sindel:** WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP! (More screaming followed by a severed-but-still-flaming ninja head flying onstage and KO’ing Sindel.)  
**Raiden:** (Walks onstage.) What'd I miss?

**Scene:** A dungeon type place. Kitana is inside a giant bird cage. Conveniently placed fiery pits of doom are scattered about.

**Liu Kang:** (Walks onstage.) Kitana!  
**Kitana:** Liu Kang!  
**Liu Kang:** I'm going to get you down! (Baraka swings in on a chain suspended from the ceiling.) As soon as I'm done with this guy who just appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason. (Liu Kang and Baraka fight. Eventually Baraka is knocked into a conveniently placed fiery pit of doom.)  
**Dan Forden:** Toasty!  
**Rain:** Hey, Baraka. Long time no see! I’m glad you dropped by, I was getting kind of lonely down here by myself.  
**Liu Kang:** (Jumps up and rips off cage door.) Kitana!  
**Kitana:** Liu!  
**Sheeva:** (Jumps onstage, landing directly below cage.) Date's over! (The cage falls on her for no apparent reason.)  
**Shao Kahn:** You got Caged!  
**Johnny Cage:** Hey! That's my line!  
**Shao Kahn:** Nobody cares. Now shut up or I'll snap your neck again.  
(Johnny resumes being dead.)  
**Liu Kang:** (As Sheeva’s blood pools beneath the cage.) That was odd. (He turns to Kitana.) So, wanna make out?

**Scene:** Outside the palace someplace. Raiden, Jade, Sonya, Jax and an unconscious Sindel are present.

**Raiden:** So then I vaporized Kano, Goro, Reptile and Shang Tsung with a thunderbolt, thus singlehandedly saving all of existence.  
**Sonya:** That's not how it happened! I know! I was right there!  
**Raiden:** You want me to pull out the Street Fighter movie?  
**Liu Kang:** (Enters with Kitana.) Guys! I rescued Kitana!  
**Sonya:** Great work Liu!  
**Kitana:** Where is my mother?  
**Raiden:** (Pointing at Sindel) She’s right there.  
**Kitana:** (Kneeling by Sindel.) Oh mother. How do I bring her back?  
**Raiden:** You must show you love her.  
**Kitana:** So what? I give her a hug?  
**Raiden:** No. The fate of the world is at stake. We're going to have to do something more drastic. Kiss her. (Kitana kisses Sindel on the cheek.) OK. Now on the lips. (Kitana kisses Sindel on the lips.) Good. Now tell her you love her.  
**Kitana:** I love you.  
**Raiden:** That’s very good. Now stroke her face, yes just like that, good. Keep going. Excellent. Now, smell her a little. (Kitana glares at Raiden.) What are you looking at me like that for?  
(Sindel begins to awaken.)  
**Kitana:** Mother! You’re alive!  
**Sindel:** Too bad you... Will Die!  
**Raiden:** OK. The next person who repeats that line is totally gonna die.  
**Jade:** Haha! You fools! You've fallen straight into our trap! Kitana's love cannot restore her mother's soul. It was all an elaborate trap set up to bring all of you together in one place at one time, here, where you are at your weakest.  
**Raiden:** Are you still here?  
**Liu Kang:** Jade? How could you have betrayed us?  
**Jade:** Simple, all I had to do was lead you towards Sindel and allow her to destroy all of you in one fell swoop!  
**Sindel:** Yes and now that our plans have come to fruition and I have all of you at my mercy... I shall do absolutely nothing and leave without laying a finger on any of you! (Laughs maniacally as she disappears into a special effect.)  
**Jade:** (As everyone turns to look at her.) ...Uh. I think I left the oven on. Um, gotta go! Bye! (Runs offstage.)

**Scene:** Shao Kahn’s palace. Kahn, Sindel, Motaro, Ermac and Jade are present.

**Shao Kahn:** Jade.  
**Jade:** Yes, my master.  
**Shao Kahn:** You followed my orders to the letter. You led Raiden and his pathetic mortals directly into the trap I had set out for them. You have shown me that you are a capable and loyal minion.  
**Jade:** Thank you, my master.  
**Shao Kahn:** (Grabs Jade by the throat.) And now! You! Will suffer for your competence!  
**Jade:** What!? (A figure on the wall behind Jade comes to life, turning into a horrible monster which then eats Jade in one bite, burps, and returns to the wall.)  
**Ermac:** Uh, boss?  
**Shao Kahn:** Yes?  
**Ermac:** If I may be so bold, may I ask why exactly you did that?  
**Shao Kahn:** It’s quite simple. It is all written here in the “Big bad guy's guide to villainy.” It clearly says on page 11, and I quote, “Before executing a henchman it is customary to shout, ‘Now you will suffer for your incompetence.’”  
**All:** (Long pause)  
**Shao Kahn:** Wait a minute. In-competence? Oh, I get it now! I'm supposed to kill off the henchmen who screw up, instead of the henchmen who actually do their jobs right. Gee, that would've been useful to know at the beginning of the movie.  
**Sindel:** So now what do we do?  
**Shao Kahn:** We will go outside on top of a big pyramid type thingie looking all dramatic and imposing while we wait for Raiden and his pathetic mortals to show up and beat the crap out of us.  
**Motaro:** Wait, is getting the crap beat out of us actually part of the plan?  
**Shao Kahn:** Look, I'll admit that my plans may not be the greatest plans in Outworld, but they are all we have. That and my enormous god-like ego! (Laughs maniacally.)  
**Motaro:** We are so screwed. (Posing Posse poses.)

**Scene:** Outworld, someplace. Hell I don't care anymore. Raiden and those guys are there.

**Jax:** Yo man, thanks for leading us on a wild goose chase!  
**Raiden:** I don't understand how the legend I just made up a couple of minutes ago could be so wrong.  
**Liu Kang:** It doesn't matter anymore. Right now the most important thing is to stop Shao Kahn.  
**Raiden:** Yes. But first I have a shocking revelation that will hopefully astound you enough to forget about all the crapiness you have just witnessed and not demand a refund once you leave the theatre.  
**Jax:** What are you talking about?  
**Raiden:** Never mind. Anyway, like I was saying... (Clears throat.) Shao Kahn is my brother!  
**Shao Kahn:** Dun, Dun, Dun!  
**Jax:** What!? No he isn't! I've played the games, you two aren't related at all!  
**Raiden:** Look, just go with it, okay?  
**Kitana:** Could you elaborate further?  
**Raiden:** Very well. A little while back Daddy insisted that my brother and I fight to the death for some reason. He gets impulsive like that sometimes. Anyway, we did and I won but I didn't kill Shao Kahn because I thought the whole thing was stupid. Then Daddy was all like “I have no son! Um... Except for Shao Kahn that is!” Then Shao Kahn was all like, “You Suck!” Daddy and I haven’t spoken since. Don’t think I haven't tried to patch things up either. I’ve called him like 500 different times but the stupid Elder God never has his cell phone turned on!  
**Sonya:** Wait! Your dad is an Elder God? Funny how you failed to mention that before!  
**Raiden:** Hello? Were you paying attention at all during the last movie? I’m the freaking god of thunder and lightning! Who did you think my dad was, Pete Abrams?  
**Jax:** Wait a minute, your dad's not an Elder God! And I should know! I've played all the games!  
**Raiden:** (Points at Jax.) Nobody likes a smart-ass.  
**Liu Kang:** So what do we do now? The world's gonna end in like, six days if we don’t... Wait. Why six days again?  
**Raiden:** Because Shao Kahn said so!  
**Liu Kang:** Just because he said something doesn't mean...  
**Raiden:** Silence! I know only one thing for certain. Shao Kahn must die. But I’m not going to kill him.  
**Sonya:** What? Why not?  
**Raiden:** I told you before, I think the whole thing is stupid.  
**Kitana:** So let me get this straight. You refuse to kill Shao Kahn even though doing so is the only way to save the Earth?  
**Raiden:** Yup!  
**Jax:** I've had enough of this! From now on I say we forget about gods and portals and magic and all that other crap! Especially Raiden here! Let’s just go and beat up Shao Kahn!  
**Liu Kang:** Sounds like a good idea to me.  
(Others agree.)  
**Raiden:** Good. I'll come with you. (All walk offstage.)

**Scene:** It's like one of those Aztec pyramid things. Or was it a Mayan pyramid? Maybe Incan? I think only two of those guys actually built pyramids but I can never remember which. Anyway Shao Kahn and Sindel and that horse-guy and one of the two ninjas, I mean ninja... You know what? Forget this! I quit! Yeah, you heard me! I quit! Shove that in your giant straw hat and smoke it!

**Shao Kahn:** Raiden.  
**Raiden:** Shao Kahn.  
**Shao Kahn:** You suck! (Posing Posse poses.)  
**Raiden:** Yeah, I get it, I suck. That's the only thing you’ve said to me for the past 8 millennia.  
**Shao Kahn:** Well... You do! (Posing Posse poses.)  
**Daddy:** (Appears via special effect.) Raiden! I will give you one last chance to stop this nonsense and rule with your family!  
**Raiden:** NO!  
**Daddy:** Fine! (Turns to Shao Kahn.) Finish him!  
**Shao Kahn:** I’ve been waiting all day for you to say that. (Forms green energy ball.)  
**Liu Kang:** Raiden! Look out!  
**Raiden:** Don’t worry! I’ve got a plan! (Green energy ball hits him square in the chest and he flies off pyramid, landing in front of Liu Kang and the others.) Well, I gotta admit. That plan... kinda, sucked. (Dies.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Immortal fatality! ...Wait. How does that even work?  
**Sindel:** Raiden gave up his godhood so that he could become a pathetic mortal.  
**Shao Kahn:** Uh-huh. And why would he do that exactly?  
**Sonya:** That's actually a very good question.  
**Liu Kang:** Enough! (Jumps up pyramid landing in front of Shao Kahn.) You and I will finish this right now.  
**Shao Kahn:** Fine. We will fight right this instant. But first... Posing Posse! Destroy them! (Posing Posse pose, then leap off pyramid.)  
**Jax:** (Points at Motaro.) I call dibs on Mr. Ed!  
**Kitana:** I will fight my mother.  
**Sonya:** (Looks at Ermac.) Leftovers are fine with me.  
**Motaro:** (Grabs Jax's arm and rips it off.)  
**Jax:** (Looks at cybernetic arm, then looks down at own arm still attached.) Hey, wadda ya know! These things come right off! (Pulls off other “arm” and beats Motaro to death with it.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Fatality!  
**Kitana:** (Hits Sindel.)  
**Sindel:** Is that any way to treat your mother?  
**Kitana:** You're not my mother... Hey! What's that! (Points.)  
**Sindel:** What? (Looks where Kitana is pointing.) I don't see any.. (Kitana KO's Sindel when she’s not looking.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Cheap-shot-ality!  
**Noob Saibot:** (Jumps out of Ermac)  
**Sonya:** Wait, was he inside you the whole time?  
**Ermac:** ...I don't know. Maybe?  
**Jax:** Don't worry Sonya, I got your back! (Grabs Noob and jumps offscreen with him.)  
**Sonya:** Then I guess it's just you and me. Again. (Uses handstand, grabs Ermac's head between her legs, flips him over, stands up and twists her legs snapping Ermac's neck.)  
**Shao Kahn:** Neck-snap-ality!  
**Liu Kang:** Can we fight now?  
**Shao Kahn:** Not yet. First I have to ask Daddy if it's okay.  
**Liu Kang:** (Shouting.) That’s enough! I can't take it anymore! Between the flaming ninja that keep falling from the sky, the magical rules that don’t make any sense, the stupid extras that walk onstage for one fight that has nothing to do with the story, the god awful dialogue... It makes me so mad I just want to... AHHH!!! (Turns into a dragon.)  
**Jax:** Now I've done seen everything.  
**Shao Kahn:** An Animality. Impressive. But I’m more impressiver. (Turns into a hydra.)  
**Jax:** I stand corrected.  
(The two fight for a while until they eventually turn back to normal.)  
**Shao Kahn:** I can't beat him!  
**Daddy:** You fool! Must I do everything for you!? (Holds out a hand to destroy Liu Kang.)  
**Elder Gods:** (Appear out of nowhere.) Not gonna happen.  
**Daddy:** (Lowers hand.) You.  
**Elder Gods:** You broke the rules of the tournament. We cannot allow you to further interfere.  
**Kitana:** Wait a minute! If you could have stopped them at any time, why wait until now?  
**Elder Gods:** Wheel of Fortune was on and we didn’t want to miss it.  
**Liu Kang:** Shao Kahn! You and I will end this once and for all!  
**Elder Gods:** And now the fate of the universe will be decided, as it should be...  
Through MORTAL KOMBAT!!! (Reverb.)  
(Mortal Kombat theme starts up while Liu Kang and Shao Kahn fight.)  
(Eventually Liu Kang emerges victorious.)  
**Liu Kang:** (Pointing at Shao Kahn.) You. Suck.  
**Shao Kahn:** No. No! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Turns inside out and explodes.)  
**Daddy:** Oh, poopies. (Turns into a cube and folds out of existence.)  
(Outworld is suddenly replaced by the Temple of the Order of Light.)  
**Liu Kang:** Look! The temple!  
**Raiden:** Now that Shao Kahn is defeated the merger has been reversed. Everything is exactly as it was before his arrival.  
**Jax:** Hey! Weren’t you dead just a minute ago?  
**Elder Gods:** He was, but we revived him. We’ve got a softball match against the Greek Pantheon this afternoon, and we were one guy short, so we figured he could take Shinnok’s place since Raiden's his son and all.  
**Jax:** Hold up a minute! That guy was Shinnok?  
**Elder Gods:** Yes.  
**Jax:** But he didn’t look or act anything like the Shinnok in the games! And Shinnok isn’t Kahn and Raiden’s father!  
**Elder Gods:** Blame the writers.  
**Sindel:** (Awakens.)  
**Kitana:** Mother you’re alive!  
**Sindel:** Too bad you, Will Die!  
**Kitana:** !  
**Sindel:** I’m just kidding. Now that Shao Kahn is dead my soul has been restored and the two of us can finally live together in peace. (Lightning strikes her turning her to cinders.)  
**Kitana:** ...Wha. What happened?!  
**Raiden:** I warned her...  
**Liu Kang:** I'm glad that ridiculous adventure is finally over.  
**Nightwolf:** (Walks onstage.) Liu Kang!  
**Liu Kang:** Nightwolf?  
**Nightwolf:** Congratulations. By mastering your animality and defeating Shao Kahn you have completed the second test. Complete one more and you will be able to master your animality and defeat Shao Kahn.  
**Liu Kang:** Master THIS! (Turns into a dragon and bites off Nightwolf’s upper body.)  
**Nightwolf:** (Inside Liu’s belly.) I've seen better... course I've seen worse too.  
**Sonya:** I'm just glad we were able to finish the film without leaving behind any lose ends. Except for Scorpion and Sub-Zero who are still missing, or the millions of people who were doubtlessly killed by the armies of flaming ninja, or who all those people were that came out of absolutely nowhere, got into one fight and then died.  
**Jax:** But other than those, there is absolutely nothing we’re forgetting about.  
**Sonya:** (Nods.) Absolutely nothing.  
(Everyone walks away.)  
**Johnny Cage:** (From buried underground.) Uh, guys?! Hello? I’m still dead down here! Anyone?


End file.
